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How to motivate yourself after a breakup

Breakup is often compared to an unfortunate accident. First, this is undoubted stress. This is the situation of acute grief that a person experiences. The conditions of life have changed, it is necessary to adjust one's own habits, sometimes friends disappear from life,should i give her a second chance, some feel bad physically.

Psychologists identify certain stages of getting out of this difficult situation. Let's analyze them in more detail and think about how a person who survived a breakup can help himself.

The first stage is pain. Usually it lasts up to 2-3 months. At this time comes the realization of what happened and the first relief comes. First of all, this time is characterized by a sense of guilt towards yourself and anger towards your ex-partner.

Often different situations from life and how it was possible to prevent them are going through one’s mind, such as an eternal "only if". Do not save it in yourself. There is nothing to worse, than to think about it! Take a paper and write, take a brush and draw - no matter what. You need to let your emotions come out!

You will hear from the people around you advices like "do not sit at home, continue to live." It's easy to say, but it’s hard to do. That's why I suggest exercises for the destruction of pain within you. This is very important for further rehabilitation.

The second stage is adaptation or humility. It takes a month, two, and it seems to be easier to breathe. You already want to communicate with people, hear compliments and, perhaps, even flirt. Great, you are on the right way! We begin to implement the golden rules of positive thinking.

Every day we perform the exercise "Five upsides of the past day". They certainly exist! You just need to find them and pay attention to them. So, your subconscious mind is tuned to the fact that there are always good moments in life. Seeing the prospect and looking ahead - these are the golden rules of this stage of experiencing a crisis situation.

The third stage is recovery. Sounds reassuring. But I am, as a psychologist, concerned about this period, since a person begins to actively seek new relationships. For him/her, this is the way to assert self. Do not rush, be prudent! The fact that the pain has receded is wonderful. But often for new acquaintances and romances there is an inner dialogue and a desire to prove something to your ex-one!

Undoubtedly, this motivation has the right to life. But still be frank with yourself. If you are still emotionally dependent on your ex-partner, think about solving this problem in group or individual work with a psychologist.

Stage four is a cure. Your thoughts and inner monologues are no longer connected with your ex. He/she left your life as a partner, and as your support. But at the same time, he/she can remain, for example, as a father of your child. Everything that concerns him, is perceived not so painfully or simply induces indifference.

This experience will help you in building new relationships, and maybe you will not need to apply it.


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